Tuesday, July 13, 2004

A sample of TCS

I thought I'd share a sample from a post I sent to the Taking Children Seriously list in reply to a question of how to balance parental wants with the wants of very small children. I don't consider myself fully TCS, but I find many of their ideas right on -- common preference finding, as opposed to resorting to win/lose answers to problems, is probably their best.

Here's the message excerpt:

"(A parent wrote:)
> Common 'wisdom' is that
> sometimes babies/toddlers cry because they can't
> have what they want but
> that is okay and part of learning, and that parents
> have the right to say
> "No" and sit down for a cup of tea :-).

I think the important thing is that parents find a way
to solve both problems -- the cp(common preference) issue. Obviously,
parents need a chance to rest just like anyone on a
regular job site. But it shouldn't be at the expense
of the child. Some common preference should be found
so the child will not be sacrificed to meet the
parent's desire, but the parent will also not be
sacrificing and building up resentment toward the
child. The smaller the child, the more difficult this
can be, and often the parent's expectations (wants) do
need to be adjusted. It may help to know that it
really WILL get easier with time and experience. That
teething pain and so on will subside, and the child
won't want to be held 24 hours a day for the rest of
his/her life. (Unless, of course, s/he doesn't get it
when s/he really wanted/needed it.)"

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