October 14

My middle son has been waiting since the beginning of our journey into the Middle Ages to read the story of William the Conqueror. He adopted the name "Guillaume," the French version of William, for his French and history studies this year, because he thought William sounded like an admirably tough warrior.

Serendipitously, we arrived at that chapter of "Famous Men" today -- on the 945th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings. Sometimes I manage to plan these things, but today had nothing to do with me. I didn't realize the date beyond 1066!

Unfortunately, Middlest was devastated to discover that his chosen namesake was disliked by his northern English subjects, punished the rebels by destroying their land and leaving them to starve to death, enacted an 8 o'clock couvre feu (curfew; to cover fire), and was deserted on his deathbed by his own sons and assistants. (The biggest betrayal, I think, was the 8 o'clock curfew!)

As disappointing as it was to find out that a Norman conqueror was a bit of a bully, the boys still enjoyed this video of the Bayeux Tapestry by PotionGraphics.

(Warning: bloody embroidered war scenes)

In other coincidental news (if you believe in coincidences, which I don't)... tomorrow -- October 15 -- is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I learned this through Pam, who linked to Niki, both of whom lost unborn babies this year. My heart is aching along with theirs right now.

I know now that the Lord directed me to Pam's post last weekend as a merciful whisper of things to come.

I counted myself fortunate enough to have made it through 10 years of motherhood without experiencing that kind of loss -- until this week. I was hoping to be able to tell you all of our joyous news in another month or so. I found out only last week that I would be due on June 10 -- Littlest's birthday -- with baby number 4.

But I started bleeding a few days ago. Just a little at first, and I tried not to worry. A dear friend of mine bled consistently through two of her pregnancies, and the boys are 4 and 6 now. But that is not my normal, and something (or Someone) inside me whispered, "It's your turn. Get ready."

Yesterday, UberDad and I spent the afternoon in the waiting room at the doctor's office with the 16-week pregnant mamas about to get their ultrasounds. We were probably kind of annoying, sitting there obnoxiously guffawing and making sarcastic remarks about the so-called "health news" coming from the waiting room TV. Our nervous energy was obvious. As was the picture of my already empty uterus.

The tears are flowing freely today. Normally, Fridays are our Racing Days. Race through homeschool and chores in the morning. Race through lunch so we can race to music lessons. Race from music lessons to the car wash to the library. Race home and collapse.

Today, the boys read to me on my bed, and I tried not to cringe too much when they bounced. We moved slowly next door to find some lunch. I tried not to get frustrated when no one had their shoes on or their instruments in hand when it was time to go. I dropped them off at the music studio, which I never do.

And then I came home to rest. I'll go back to pick them up soon. My boys are so amazing. They have been such comforters, even as I know they are sad themselves. I would not have told them so soon, but that's just how it worked out. They are amazingly trusting of how Life comes and goes.

I feel so blessed. To have three healthy children. To have known this pregnancy even in its brevity. To have compassionate friends, both close by and online. To have heard the Spirit's whisper, and to feel His comforting presence with me through this process.

I know the Lord is in control at all times, trustworthy at all times, and merciful at all times. And I know that this experience puts me in good company with so many mothers who also have had to let go when they least wanted to.

Simple gifts

It's time for the biannual Mom's Brag-a-thon! Music recitals come only twice a year, so you'll have to bear with me. (And feel free to share your braggable moments with me, too!)

These two boys have worked SO hard the last two months. Their music teacher wanted them to learn a piece they could play together for the recital. Eldest has only studied cello for nine months; Middlest has studied violin six months longer.

We found a version of the classic Amish tune "Simple Gifts" which would let them take turns with the melody and harmony. It is not an easy piece, but learning to play their very different parts simultaneously, and stay in tune, and stay in tempo, and adjust to each other's mistakes, was extra challenging.

And then they had to put up with their overanxious, perfectionistic mother, who knows just enough about music to be opinionated and pushy about it, when she's trying to be helpful. (Somehow they forgave me, and insisted I sit through all their practices anyway.)

They practiced faithfully, even when they were grouchy with each other, and they played it well at their lesson on Friday. But you never know how nerves will be on the big day.

They wanted their friends to be there, so I sent some last-minute invitations, and warned their teacher we were bringing a crowd! And then I sat in the front row and tried not to let it show how nervous I was for them.

And. My boys. Did. Beautifully. When it was over, I could breathe again. The smiles of pride as they stepped offstage were worth every tear shed up to that point.

Afterwards, we went out to our favorite local, gourmet diner to celebrate with burgers and ice cream. They earned it!

Twelve things I learned this year in homeschool.

No matter how well you plan, something out of your control will always mess it up.

It's good to plan anyway.

Seize precious opportunities when they arise.

But weigh your options and know when enough is enough.

Environment, environment, environment.

Environment is both your attitude and your surroundings.

Even a homeschool mom can wonder, "Where the heck did they learn that?" But it's often a good surprise.

No matter how many great philosophies you read, it always comes back to trusting yourself with your own kids.

No matter how perfect your approach, you're still going to have bad days.

Sometimes it's best to set aside the books and go ride bikes.

Sometimes it's best to commit to something you want to learn, and actually do what it takes.

My kids still teach me more than I teach them.

Scrapbooking therapy

Four and a half years ago, our church hired a new youth pastor to come up from Los Angeles. Greg and his wife, Claudia, had two little boys, and another baby on the way. Littlest was a newborn, and somehow I knew that we were going to be fast friends even before we met.

We spent three years working together in the church nursery, sharing our thoughts and feelings about mothering and homemaking, church, education and God. We had playdates and parties. I encouraged her to homeschool, and supported her when she decided to stop. I brought soup and sat with her when her fourth baby had nursing issues, and we had coffee dates when life got too complicated for playdates.

Last week I spent a few days scrap-booking photos for Claudia and Greg and their kiddos. They're moving back to the L.A. area in two weeks to be closer to their families.

Some brilliant person at church decided we should send them off with an album of memories. I offered to do the Sunday School pages, plus a few of my own. I wanted to do something to show how much they've meant to us, and that our friendship won't end just because they move.

I also thought it might be therapeutic. And I was right.

We've had to say goodbye to quite a few close friends in the last three years, and this time I wasn't handling it so well. Maybe it was knowing that they're not the only family we'll be saying goodbye to this year. Other very dear friends are expecting to move even further, and the anticipation makes it all the more difficult. Too many goodbyes, in too short a time.



The album gave me something to do with all that grief.

It felt good to look through old photos, and remember the fun we've had together. It felt good to lay out those memories on a page, to frame and savor each one. It felt good to make something beautiful out of something painful.



I believe in making an effort to keep in touch, and I'm not afraid to pile the kids in the car and drive a ways to see friends. But I also know how hard it can be, as kids get older, life gets more committed and complicated, and people make new lives in their new cities. Visits will happen, but they will probably be less frequent than we'd like.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of my own ideas of what the future should hold, even though I know that God is trustworthy and has a plan for each of us.



I'm grateful for the chance to treasure my friendships by savoring the memories we have created thus far, no matter what the future brings.

And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
--Romans 8:28

Little things... big blessings

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble."   --Helen Keller

I'm borrowing this quote from Suzanne at Privet & Holly.  It pretty much sums up why I felt so... antsy, stuck, unmotivated in January. And guilty. I felt guilty for having such a good life and not doing more to affect the larger world. *Sigh*

Yes, silly of me, very silly. Fortunately, I got over it. I'm sure I'll get around to changing the world eventually. In the meantime, I have kids to raise, friends to visit with before they move, laundry to fold, books to read... and a blog to keep up with!

The devil wanted to remind me of what I'm not doing so as to distract me from my current responsibilities and blessings. But the Lord reminded me that the little things do count. The point is to find Joy in them!

And I have lots of potential. I don't have to do Everything. Right. Now.

Plus, the sun came out!!

Spring has sprung in California! Apologies to those of you in colder climates. I'll feel guilty about that, too -- until July, when you're experiencing a lovely, warm, green season, and we've dried up and hung ourselves from the A/C vents.

 

In the meantime, let's make the most of every moment... whatever the weather.

Preparing for Christmas

The lights are up, the stockings are hung, the decorations have been out for two weeks...

 

The tree is finally complete, the shelves have been dusted, the toys decluttered, laundry folded and put away, fridge and freezer stocked, three batches of cookies baked. Everyone has helped to make the house festive...

We've had our first Christmas party with friends.

My shopping is just about finished. (My crafting was hardly begun.) The packages that cluttered one end of my dining table for three days have been mailed.

Even the weather is ready for Christmas. The mulberries -- the last trees to change color each December and announce the impending arrival of Christmas -- have dropped their leaves, carpeting the neighborhood in bright yellow shag. The rain has been cleaning the air outside.



So, when will my heart be ready? Why does it feel so heavy?

I simplified. I planned. We made our own fun when the plans were derailed. The derailing continues, but that's to be expected. Two colds and the flu in the middle of sugar and stress season.

I am off my diet, friends. We've been reading our Advent book, but I haven't been doing my own devotions. I am not taking care of myself, nor am I spending enough time with the Lord. We are all suffering for it. The house may look festive, but our hearts are not feeling it.

In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the wilderness of Judea and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.
--Matthew 3:1-2

I have a week to spend down on my knees, to let Him teach me patience while I cry out in impatience, to put my eyes back on Him, where they belong. I have a week to slow down, and give my energy to my family, who deserve it.

It is a long journey, this wait for the arrival of the King.

Early morning prayers

She gets up while it is still dark,
She provides food for her family...
--Proverbs 31:15

The days are growing shorter, and the early mornings darker. My doctor told me two months ago to sleep in because my body needed it, but this week I've been waking up in the dark, much earlier than usual.

I don't know if it's because Littlest spent a few days waking at 5 while adjusting to the colder temperatures, or because my cortisol levels are improving. I'm not seeing other evidence of this, but I want to take advantage of my eyes popping open -- better to get up early and take a nap later, than oversleep. I went back to sleep the other day after waking up when Scott got up, and my only reward was a nightmare.

She watches over the affairs of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
--Proverbs 31:27

There have been days recently when I could not get out of bed. When I felt the same as when I had mononucleosis as a child, and lay in bed too tired to even watch tv. There have been other days when I moved as much as I could, but wore out quickly. There have been days when I felt "normal" again, and used every ounce I had, only to be useless the next day. And there have been times when I probably could do more, but chose to be idle instead.

It is difficult with a chronic illness to find the balance between resting to recover, and working to recover. Because if I do not put some effort into planning and preparing meals, and learning more about adrenal fatigue, it may get worse. I need to lean on the Lord every day, and continue to pray for healing, but he has also given us "every green plant for food" -- part of His healing regimen is ready for the eating.

I had a few good weeks after my diagnosis, after getting off sugar and caffeine, taking my supplements, and improving my diet. It was almost too easy. And it didn't last. I got the flu, my adrenals took another hit, and I needed to start all over.

It does not depend, therefore, on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy.
--Romans 9:16

I have to be careful not to grow discouraged, when eating feels like a chore -- when so many things that used to give me pleasure are now forbidden. I have to be careful not to despair, when my energy runs out before the day's even begun, when the infection for which I cannot take medicine returns, when my blood sugar and hormones cause my mood to drop dangerously low and the boys can see it on my face, even if I bite my tongue.

All day long I have been plagued, and punished every morning.
--Psalm 73:14

And yet, I know this is such a mild, temporary ailment. All around me I witness others suffering from life-threatening disease, from heart-breaking circumstances, from chronic pain which will not end.

I know I am abundantly blessed, with a husband who loves and cares for me, with three beautiful, healthy children, with a home we can afford, and food and clothing as we need it, with friends who know and love me, and parents who live close and are not estranged.

I can know all these things, but if I do not put my hope in the Lord, if I do not listen carefully to His voice, and not my raging thoughts, then I grow hopeless.

But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in You.
--Psalm 39:7

I am so thankful that I know what the issue is now, and that healing is on its way. I am so thankful that He is with me every step of the way. I am so thankful that He's given us His Word for encouragement, and made healing possible with His blood.

Autumn Daybook

I haven't done a Simple Woman's Daybook post in so long, and it feels right for today...

Outside my window... the sky is grey and the air is cool. It finally feels like Fall!

I am thankful for... the change in the weather.

I am wearing... JEANS! Finally! And a grey-and-white-striped t-shirt. 

I am listening to... the kids play their instruments.

I am pondering... what to do next with science.

I am praying for... healing, peace, and the same for my friends.

I am reading... "The Beekeeper's Apprentice."

We are reading together... "The Last Battle," "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," and "Guardians of Ga'Hoole: The Capture"

The boys... have kung fu tonight.

  

In the kitchen... organic purple grapes, and lentil soup waiting to be reheated.

On my needles... a simple shawl in shades of violet is half-finished.

In the garden... the ground needs to be cleared of weeds.

Around the house... the surfaces are begging to be dusted -- and decorated for fall.

Plans for the rest of the week... just the usual routine so far, maybe a nature walk tomorrow.

From my camera... dirty feet, because it's cool enough to play outside!

New year, new groove

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven."

I don't know about you, but I was ready for 2009 to be over. I don't feel that way at the end of most years. But this was a challenging one for most people I know. And it wasn't just the economy, though that was certainly an issue.

My sister would say it's because the year of the Ox meant a lot of hard work and waiting for most people. Not that those things are necessarily bad. Just challenging.

Around here, 2010 looks to be a year for tying up loose ends, and putting plans into action. We began projects this year that need to be completed -- and we're getting so close!

Plus, we're hoping to finally get on the road with these rowdy boys this summer to go visit friends and family we haven't seen much lately. Let's just say we're feeling a little adventurous. Or, insanely braver than usual.

In the meantime, I'm trying to integrate lessons learned over the last few years. Lessons about the needs of my kids and myself, about how easily ideology and idolatry can cross paths, about letting go of labels and using the tools that work for us.

I'm finding comfort in the simple assignment of obeying the Holy Spirit. Simple does not mean easy, of course. My spirit is willing, but... well, you know.

So, no resolutions. Just one step forward at a time. I'd like to avoid doing what I did last January. Praise the Lord, I think I'm learning!

I think I'll start by going to bed on time. After all, tomorrow's the first day back to... um, paying attention to my kids instead of going out to coffee and playing with my new iPhone. Doh!

What I've been pondering this month

"Research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing."
--Wernher Von Braun

Hmm. Maybe it's time for a vote.

I've been told by a good friend whom I happened to help convert to unschooling that I'm no longer an unschooler.

And really, I should be okay with that. I completely related to Tammy's post on the subject. I haven't participated in unschooling lists in forever. That was partially because lists are difficult to keep up with, and I prefer blogs.

And it was partially because I got tired of the way radical unschoolers so often tried to school the non-unschoolers in the correct ways of unschooling -- Sheesh! Unfortunately, I myself was guilty of that -- especially early on, when I had only two children, and they were far from school age. It's easy not to worry when the expectations are still so low!

I get it, I do. (I think I do.) I certainly don't want to discourage anyone who's reading and new to unschooling from continuing on that path. I'm not about to sit my kids down and say, "Okay, I've decided you need to learn this and this, and we're going to sit here every day until that's done. Even if we're both crying."

I don't think it's that black and white. It's not an either-or. You're not either following the path of Unschooling Enlightenment or on the road to Homeschool Hell.

Radical unschoolers have bad days, too. And non-unschooling homeschoolers can also experience joy and freedom in their choices.

(How convoluted these labels have become.)

We all have to figure out what works for our families. We all have to come to terms with our fears. Whether it's being so afraid of our kids not learning what they need that we coerce them until we're all miserable, or being so afraid of making a parenting mistake that we're unable to lead when our children need leadership.

Don't all parents start out with one foot in a place of Worry and the other in a place of Hope? Aren't all homeschoolers making sacrifices and taking a risk by jumping off the schoolbus while it's barreling down our culture's road? (Whether you're on the bus or running next to it, the road is full of holes.)

I sincerely believe that the Lord led me to the philosophy of unschooling to keep me from falling into patterns of perfectionism and control, and burdening my children with unreasonable expectations. We needed to experience the freedom of natural learning.

"There are a myriad of ways to learn about something. Rather than handing these things over to our children as a fait accompli, we want them to discover them on their own.

You’ve heard about slow food; this is slow learning. If you bring your child 20 books from the library, then announce a trip to the museum on Friday, you may succeed in getting done sooner.

But if you let your child go to the library and talk to the librarian about how to find books, let your child decide which books look like they have the best information ... well, it’s going to take a lot longer. But they are learning all the while."

--Camp Creek Blog

Unschooling gave us time. Time to explore without pressure of performance. Time to grow and mature at our own speed. We learned a lot on that path.

Oh, but it can be slow! And some of us are impatient and want to see proof. We don't want to take chances with our children's education. Trust is so difficult. I know it is only by God's grace that I made it as far as I did without worrying about the boys learning to read. But it happened. It worked.

The thing is, I have things to learn from other educational philosophies as well. I think wherever this homeschooling journey takes us, I will always be an unschooler at heart. I just can't guarantee it will look like it.

"...Education is a *life* as well as a discipline. Health, strength, and agility, bright eyes, and alert movements, come of a free life, out-of-doors, if it may be, and as for habits, there is no habit or power so useful to man or woman as that of personal initiative. The resourcefulness which will enable a family of children to invent their own games and occupations through the length of a summer's day is worth more in after life than a good deal of knowledge about cubes and hexagons, and this comes, not of continual intervention on the mother's part, but of much masterly inactivity."

--Charlotte Mason

That, to me, sounds like the heart of unschooling. There is certainly a difference between the philosophies, but I know I'm not alone in appreciating them both, and wanting to integrate methods somehow.

"Can you still be an unschooler if you make a plan? I think so, especially if those plans are based on the student's desires, made with their consent, and open to change. That's how we operate as human beings. We have hopes and dreams, and whether we realize it or not, we move that direction. If the path takes twists and turns, we adapt, and sometimes we trade plans in for new ones. But we are forever moving forward, and what we do now effects our future."

--Jena at Yarns of the Heart

And so, I've been making plans, buying materials, trying to find a daily rhythm that flexes with the changing needs of our family. I'm excited to share all of this with you!

But I don't want to confuse anyone about where I'm coming from, or whom I'm following. It's not John Holt, Sandra Dodd, or even dear Charlotte. I'm still trying to follow Christ, and completely dependent on His mercy and grace to show me where to lead my children next -- even as they learn to follow Him themselves.

Children and church

Christian Unschooling.com has a new post up about taking unschooled children to "Children's Church."

This can be such a challenging issue. As adult Christians we want the fellowship, or the litany, and to be fed in the Word, and we want to our children to feel at home at church, so they'll continue to be a part of the Body as they grow up. Some people go from church to church looking for a place where children are welcomed and families have options -- not just a place to drop off their kids, not just a program to entertain and "educate" them, but a place where Christ resides.

For me, the issue has always been ensuring that I respect what my children are ready for. My oldest son wanted to be with me until he was a toddler, and then he wanted to be where he could play and move. I volunteered in the nursery, but he was fine without me, too. My second son was totally different. He wasn't ready to leave my side until he was 5. So, he didn't. He was either with me in church, or I was with him in Sunday school.

My third son is just now old enough to attend Sunday school without me. I've been a nursery volunteer since before he was born. I haven't seen much of the inside of the sanctuary in that time, but that's okay. This Sunday, I took him in, got him settled, and then sat in the hallway listening to the class for 45 minutes.

I hadn't planned to spend the hour eavesdropping, it just worked out that way. (Honestly, I just needed a nap!) I did want to make sure he was truly okay with being there. The initial activity centered on coloring, which he doesn't care much about. But they didn't make him do it. He just sat and chatted, and the teachers were very sweet.

We are fortunate to be members at a fairly small parish, where the rules are not so firmly in place as to make flexibility for each child impossible. I know some local large churches where new parents would never be allowed to stay in the nursery with their toddler, while both parent and child take time to get comfortable there. But that's been regular practice while I've been involved in our nursery -- partly because it was important to me.

I'm typically not afraid to make my opinions known when I think it's really important. And I'm willing to step in and help if that's what it takes to make things how I think they should be. Not everyone feels comfortable doing that, and I'm sure it could get messy and obnoxious if everyone were like me!

I think the important thing is to know what's right for your child, and not to give up or give in if it's clearly not working. Try something different. Don't be afraid to ask for changes. Pray about it, and do what feels Right.

The chaos before the calm

Questions that come up during a home renovation...

How does my garden grow? Will I ever be able to see it from my kitchen window again? (Yes, that's the old garage door blocking my view. It's been leaning against the elm for three weeks now.)


How do feet grow so fast that I have eight different sizes of socks stored in one drawer?


Where did all the matches for these socks disappear to? And what do I do with them next?


Wasn't I planning to make a curtain for this closet five years ago?


Am I really this bad of a housekeeper?


Is Scott really going to be able to fit all of that stuff back in the garage? Or will it live permanently on the new driveway?


Why did it take Jillian so long to get rid of Wes?! And is Reid going to get his heart broken just like Michael did?!

(Alright, you caught me. That last one had nothing to do with home improvement, and everything to do with my addiction to the Bachelorette.)

My Five Year Blogiversary!

So funny, I thought it had been only three years since I last painted that bedroom. But looking back at my first few posts, I realize how much has changed -- and how much has stayed the same! -- in the last five years.

I am still a hypoglycemic parent all too often. And my eldest child is still a sensitive, persistent soul with a lot of strong feelings, and a unique love for all of God's creatures.

I began this blog five years ago today, just a few months after Scott's dad passed away. Just a month before a good friend of mine filed for divorce and moved in with us with her two-year-old. Now, we're just a few months past the loss of Scott's paternal grandmother. And, sadly, another close friend's marriage is ending. So much of life is circular, isn't it? With its many endings...

And beginnings! How many baby showers have I been a part of in the last five years? Countless! So many sweet babies born and already walking, talking, playing at the park with us. And two more new little lives are expected to join our circle of friends very soon!

Speaking of birthdays, I have several friends and family members celebrating this week -- funny how the ones we love so often have certain things in common. Happy birthday to Melinda, Harvest, Jamie, Claudia, Carla, Patti, Penny, and Emily!

And happy 5th blogiversary to yours truly.

Life is good. God is good. All the time.

Wake me up in 30 minutes.

I LOVE this. I napped every day when I was pregnant with each of my kids -- completely guilt-free. A mama needs rest to grow a new baby, right? Duh.

But when I'm not pregnant (like, now), I feel a twinge of guilt when I get the urge to crash on the couch before the day's duties appear "done." (But seriously, when is it ever done? Even when I don't nap...?)

Most days, I just push myself until the kids' bedtime -- and then I fall asleep, too. Leaving no time alone with hubby. More guilt. More feeling like something's wrong with me because I need as much sleep as my kids.

This is ridiculous.

When our bodies need rest, we should rest. Stay-at-home parents usually have ready access to a sofa or bed. We should be able to fulfill this basic need than most people -- as long as our little ones are not in danger of escaping into the street or falling into the toilet. So why don't we?

Doctors nap at work. They have to. They're on call for 24 hours at times. So are parents. And our job is just as important. Just saying.

So, hey, it's the weekend. And it's probably hot outside. Give yourself a break and go take a nap. I will, too.

Public anti-learning

I had one of those public experiences tonight that always catches me off guard, perhaps because I spend more time with people who share my perspective about learning than those who don't.

I was at the bookstore, looking for some field guides for the boys, when a mother and her two daughters came up behind me.

"Mommy, can I have this clock?" said the younger girl, who was around age 6. She was holding a children's book with a built in analog clock for learning to tell time.

"No, that's too old for you," answered her mother.

I don't know if the woman noticed my jaw drop and my brow furrow in confusion as I glanced at the little girl, but she may have.

"You don't learn time-telling until the end of first grade," the older girl informed her sister.

"But I'll be in first grade!"

"No, you're getting a workbook," said the mother.

"Do I have to have a workbook?" asked the little girl.

"Yes!" answered her sister, obviously well-indoctrinated in school learning theory. "Otherwise you'll forget everything over the summer."

Oh. Dear.

I wish that I were not always so dumbfounded in these situations. I wish I were better able to grasp the opportunity to speak up and provide a different perspective. I'm sure the mother was simply thinking about her budget, and about how she just wanted to get home quickly and put the kids to bed.

She probably was not fully conscious of the message she was sending her daughter: that she was incapable of learning what it was she wanted to learn. That what the school said she should learn was more important than what she was interested in.

It's easy to forget, sometimes, that my perspective on learning as a homeschooler is not the norm. That school is normal in our culture. Most -- not all -- parents do rely on the school to tell them what their child needs when it comes to education.

And so, I'm rarely prepared to say anything helpful. I wish that I'd been able to say something like, "I've found that children learn very efficiently when they're interested in a subject, whatever the level." Or, "My son learned to tell time quite early, and it was so helpful!" Or maybe, "Summer's a great time to learn things that aren't taught in the classroom!"

But instead, I slink away, aghast and dismayed that a parent would not want to help her child learn what she's interested in learning. And I don't help either.

On our own and making plans...

"For I know the plans I have for you" --this is the Lord's declaration-- "plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
--Jeremiah 29:11

Scott left soon after dinner tonight for a long-awaited weekend away to practice his favorite hobby, so the boys and I are on our own for the next two days.

It's okay. In only one week, he'll be finished with school, and we'll have all summer together. This was an emotionally difficult year for him, so instead of taking on summer school, he decided to stay home. I know we're really blessed to say so, but the extra cash is just not worth the time and stress this year.

Even as I'm wilting with our recent heat wave, I am SO looking forward to the summer! It will be so lovely, just to have time to be together as a family, reading, playing, swimming, going camping, and getting projects done around the house.

This week I've been reading and praying, making lists and planning, gathering books and supplies, trying to prioritize and be realistic about what we can do. There are so many possibilities! I know summer's going to fly by, and I want to make the most of every moment.

And, of course, I want to share them with you. But tonight, I need to get some sleep. My vitamins are definitely helping -- praise God! -- but I'm still human, and these boys take energy. :)

This post is as overstuffed as our week was.

“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.”
--Psalm 126:5-6

As a friend said to me this week, "My cup runneth over and spilleth all over the floor."

It's been a very full week. Full of celebrations and laughter, full of emotions and tears.

My oldest son turned eight years old on Thursday. EIGHT! He received his first pocketknife, his first analog watch, and his first Rubik's Cube. Scott took the day off work, and we celebrated simply with friends and cupcakes at the park.

I cried all the next day. Over clean socks on the floor and other such nonsense. I was trying to catch up on the house and the garden after two weeks of alternating busy-ness and tiredness, and it was obviously too much for one day.

Thank you for all the well wishes and inquiries. I haven't seen the doctor about my test results yet, so I don't know any more, but my hormones were certainly doing their own thing this week. And I've been trying to prepare myself for their next arrival.

After I let out all the yuckies, Saturday was a lovely day. The boys wore themselves out on two bounce houses, sack races, and an inflated obstacle course, first at another birthday party and then our church's spring picnic. They slept hard last night!


Yesterday was good, too. I didn't even mind being peed on during nursery duty. I had a friend to chat and commiserate with, and we always enjoy ourselves.

Later in the day, we took the boys and my parents bowling, since that's what my Birthday Boy had requested instead of a big party. That was so much fun, we wondered why we don't do it more often!


I also got to spend some time in the garden. It was warm, and everything needed a drink. The tomato plants are doing well, including two volunteers that popped up in the compost pile. The corn, zucchini and green beans have sprouted. And the potatoes are starting to come up, too!


I started basil and another batch of peppers and tomatoes in cups. It was 99 degrees last Monday, but it's supposed to be in the 80s this week. If it gets very hot again before they're up, I'll bring them inside. We planted cantaloupe, watermelon, Delicata squash and butternut squash seeds directly in the ground.


Now that the garden is basically planted, I'm ready to focus on the indoors for a while. As long as I water once a day, and weed at least once a week, the garden should just do its thing for a while.

But the house needs some serious decluttering, organizing and spring cleaning! We'll see how that goes... I'm trying to let go of the impossible and just abide in Him.

Hold me tight, Lord, and don't let me get away.

Gratituesday: My body and a good doctor

On the eve of my birthday last week, I made myself a promise -- a promise to take better care of myself during the next year. I wrote this little list in my daytimer...

Go to bed earlier.
Get up earlier.
Breathe.
Pray.
Stretch.
Listen.
Drink water.
Pee.
Move steadily.

Yes, I really do need such basic reminders sometimes. Have you ever noticed that putting off the need to pee can make a person really cranky?

Anyhow, I began my 35th year on my period, with a headache and swollen neck muscles, due to falling backwards on my noggin the day before. My throat was scratchy from what I assumed was allergies, but I wondered if I was fighting off a cold, too. I fell asleep on the couch two days in a row. Thankfully, the boys were happy to rollerskate up and down the sidewalk all week.

I finally gave in and called a doctor. I figured it was a good time for a thorough checkup. I haven't seen a doctor besides my OB and my kids' pediatrician in eight years. And I missed my last OB appointment. (Oops.)

Hubby's been bugging me to call his doc for months. My body has been struggling to keep up with the plans my head makes for it. After a year of PPD, I was doing relatively better the first half of 2008. But by the end of last summer, I was dragging myself out of bed again -- and having some very cranky days.

Sure, mothering can be exhausting, but is it normal to need need 10 hours of sleep at night, and to take another 3 hours to wake up?

Apparently not. Because when I went in on Friday to see my new doctor, an internist who specializes in hormone issues, it seemed pretty clear-cut to him: I've got a hypothyroid issue.

Did you know that the thinning of your lateral eyebrows is a sign of a lazy thyroid? Yep, I haven't just been overplucking. Doc checked my heel reflexes, and my left foot was sluggish. My right foot didn't move at all. That was pretty freaky.

Within an hour of getting home, my body decided it agreed with the diagnosis, and went full force into swollen gland lethargy. Whee! I spent the weekend mostly on the couch and in bed, getting up only to feed the hungry. (Scott was out of town.)

I must have rested enough, because I was able to wake up yesterday in time to go to the lab for my bloodwork, before taking the boys to rockclimbing class.

So, all that to say that I am REALLY grateful to know that I'm not just Mrs. Crazy-n-Lazy. My doctor's not going to send me to a shrink who will tell me I should stop homeschooling and put me on medication that'll make me kill my children. (Yeah, okay, so I'm not sure paranoia is a symptom of hypothyroid, but whatever.)

I am super grateful to have a good doctor who seems to know something useful, and believes he can help me feel better soon.

I am absolutely, incredibly blessed to have a husband who has put up with my mood and energy swings the last couple years, and still loves me.

And, I am grateful for my body. My poor, neglected, hypothyroid body. It's okay, Body, we're going to get better soon.

If you have something you're grateful for and want to share, visit Laura's blog.


Oh, and how did I miss that my Easter post was my 500th blog post?! My goodness -- a birthday, a medical revelation, and a huge blogging milestone in the same week?! I feel like I should have another giveaway, or something! Except that I have no idea what to give away. A box of Zicam? A prescription for Paxil? A good babysitter? I'm sure we could all use some of that!

Lenten goodness

Spring has a way of opening up endless possibilities... the weather is lovely, so we want to be outside -- but do we go out in our garden, or leave home for the fun field trip? We've done as much as we can do of both lately.

I don't remember last spring being so busy, but maybe it was. We had new baby chicks, so we needed to be home more to take care of them. We were putting in our little garden, and building the coop. And we had our Lenten Shabbat dinners, which we have not done this year.

Maybe I always feel like this in spring -- like the season is so perfect and so very short, and I can't possibly squeeze enough into it.


Valerie Bendt wrote, “We should not let the good things crowd out the best things.” This is so where I am right now -- choosing between the good and the best, and trying to discern which is which.

Maybe my trouble is trusting that I'll ever catch the best if I leave the good behind to chase it. There's SO MUCH GOOD around me!

But trying to keep up with my boys' need for ACTION! has left me feeling like I haven't observed the quiet, reflective season of Lent very well -- and here it is Easter week.


Then, yesterday, I found a surprise in my mailbox. An angel left a little book for me, a 30-day devotional called, "Becoming A Woman who Walks with God."

It's so easy to walk with Him when I'm tired and worn out and need a lift. Maybe that's why He's let me run around so much lately.

He knows too well that when I'm feeling fine and everything's going peachy, that I'm tempted to climb out of His arms like toddler yearning for independence, saying, "Thanks, Lord, but I can walk on my own for a while now. I know where I want to go."


But it's when I let go of His hand, and run off on my own, that I inevitably trip and fall and reach, crying, for Him again.

This week, I want to make sure we remember where our freedom and joy come from.

“Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!”
--John 1:29

Was I drunk all week, or just busy cleaning?

You know how they say that an activity will fill up as much time as you give it? Yeah, I'm not sure what activity it was exactly, but the days were certainly full this week.

I made it into the garden to plant peas, pull weeds and clean the chicken coop. But mostly it rained. I'm not complaining. After two years of serious drought we desperately need the water.

We spent one day just running errands. Scott needed a new pair of casual pants, and I found some practically-new Gap khakis for $3 at the Goodwill. Woohoo! That was the kind of excitement this week was made of. Like catching up on laundry, and finally sweeping the dust bunnies out of my bedroom. Totally thrilling.

Seriously, after all the partying we've done lately, I needed some time to be home. I just wish I knew where the time had gone so I could tell you all about it.

Oh! I did watch a really funny movie. Have you seen BabyMama yet? Go to Netflix right now and put it on your list. The hardest I have laughed in years. And no, I haven't seen ANY of the Oscar-winners.

Ah, see, now it's coming back to me. I had another party to go to on Saturday. A baby shower. Apparently I drank so much wine I almost forgot...

What a lovely time we had, sitting out on the brick patio of a local Italian restaurant on the one sunny, dry day of the week. The pear trees above were in full bloom, the tables were set with vases of Gerber daisies, and red camellias covered the wall behind us. We gorged ourselves on fresh bread, delicious cheeses, salad and pastas, and watched my friend Brooke unwrap tiny organic baby socks and other luxurious necessities of babyhood.

This is her first baby, and I am so excited for her. I tried not to be too jealous of all the pink. I think a post about the wonderful qualities of boys is in order soon.