You may not have noticed, or you may have, that I've been in a funk for the last couple months. Something happened that I don't think I blogged about, but it was related to the ending of our relaxed weekly homeschooling co-op.
Well, apparently the whole thing affected me more than I let myself admit, and I kind of closed up emotionally and didn't realize I needed to grieve the loss and connect to my friends more. Until today. It's as though the loss and grief being experienced across the gulf reminded my soul of its own loss and grief, though smaller in scale.
This morning I found myself in the shower getting angry with someone I love about something completely unrelated, and I couldn't snap out of it. It wasn't something I wanted to confront the person about, because it couldn't be changed, and it wasn't even particularly rational. Instead, I packed up lunch and took the boys to meet our homeschooling group at the park, hoping I could escape myself by being with friends.
That was good, but it was also an unconscious reminder of what was lost, and what hasn't yet been recreated.
Fortunately, I married my life coach. UberDad is a pretty perceptive man. Rational, objective, and perceptive. He gives good advice. After I talked about seemingly unrelated things, trying to piece together thoughts and reasons for my funk, he reminded me of that event in early summer. And the tears came. I always know when truth has been reached when the tears come, even if I'm not sure what that truth is.
It seems it's time for some community rebuilding. We've been doing a lot of that with church friends through our small group and knitting night, but I need more. I have other (namely, unschooling) friends who are without a church home, who are looking for a truly family-friendly place to worship and fellowship.
So, I'm praying about a new possibility, and brainstorming how to make it work. Pray with me?