Thursday, October 07, 2010

Early morning prayers

She gets up while it is still dark,
She provides food for her family...
--Proverbs 31:15
The days are growing shorter, and the early mornings darker. My doctor told me two months ago to sleep in because my body needed it, but this week I've been waking up in the dark, much earlier than usual.

I don't know if it's because Littlest spent a few days waking at 5 while adjusting to the colder temperatures, or because my cortisol levels are improving. I'm not seeing other evidence of this, but I want to take advantage of my eyes popping open -- better to get up early and take a nap later, than oversleep. I went back to sleep the other day after waking up when Scott got up, and my only reward was a nightmare.
She watches over the affairs of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
--Proverbs 31:27
There have been days recently when I could not get out of bed. When I felt the same as when I had mononucleosis as a child, and lay in bed too tired to even watch tv. There have been other days when I moved as much as I could, but wore out quickly. There have been days when I felt "normal" again, and used every ounce I had, only to be useless the next day. And there have been times when I probably could do more, but chose to be idle instead.

It is difficult with a chronic illness to find the balance between resting to recover, and working to recover. Because if I do not put some effort into planning and preparing meals, and learning more about adrenal fatigue, it may get worse. I need to lean on the Lord every day, and continue to pray for healing, but he has also given us "every green plant for food" -- part of His healing regimen is ready for the eating.

I had a few good weeks after my diagnosis, after getting off sugar and caffeine, taking my supplements, and improving my diet. It was almost too easy. And it didn't last. I got the flu, my adrenals took another hit, and I needed to start all over.
It does not depend, therefore, on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy.
--Romans 9:16
I have to be careful not to grow discouraged, when eating feels like a chore -- when so many things that used to give me pleasure are now forbidden. I have to be careful not to despair, when my energy runs out before the day's even begun, when the infection for which I cannot take medicine returns, when my blood sugar and hormones cause my mood to drop dangerously low and the boys can see it on my face, even if I bite my tongue.
All day long I have been plagued, and punished every morning.
--Psalm 73:14

And yet, I know this is such a mild, temporary ailment. All around me I witness others suffering from life-threatening disease, from heart-breaking circumstances, from chronic pain which will not end.

I know I am abundantly blessed, with a husband who loves and cares for me, with three beautiful, healthy children, with a home we can afford, and food and clothing as we need it, with friends who know and love me, and parents who live close and are not estranged.

I can know all these things, but if I do not put my hope in the Lord, if I do not listen carefully to His voice, and not my raging thoughts, then I grow hopeless.
But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in You.
--Psalm 39:7
I am so thankful that I know what the issue is now, and that healing is on its way. I am so thankful that He is with me every step of the way. I am so thankful that He's given us His Word for encouragement, and made healing possible with His blood.

5 comments:

mandi said...

wow amanda-
such strong, beautiful words.
you are so right. in our weakness- He is strong.

have you come across the use of vitex/chasteberry in helping? i've been using it for about 6 mos. now and cannot believe the improvement. it regulates hormones...i've actually been off of it for this month just to see how i'm feeling and i've been so even. like a normal human!

Kathy's Red Door Welcome said...

Now I know how to pray for you... more mercy!

The Blessed Sparrow Hand Crafted Inspirational Gifts said...

One of the most beautiful posts I have read. Thank you for sharing this and for sharing your heart. Keep abiding in the Lord...
~Beverly at http://TheBlessedSparrow.blogspot.com

Bona Fide Mama said...

adrenal fatigue sucks. mine has come back big time during this current situation. i rely heavily upon raw juice and liquid chlorophyll. i really hope you start to feel better soon. it's not an easy thing to recover from.

Jenny said...

Hi Amanda!
I just randomly popped over to your blog and have enjoyed catching up on your activities. My ears/eyes perk up when you talk about your fatigue issues. I'm really interested in how you came to finally get the adrenal diagnosis.

I am still dealing with fatigue, depression, and now menopause. But I dread making doctors' appointments. did you find a specialist or did your regular doc diagnose? Have you some links to websites for further reading on this?

I have a book called The Mood Cure, which sounded promising at first. but it has you taking a ton of supplements that I would have a hard time taking consistently.

sigh. This comment is getting long!

I'm glad you are finding relief and feeling better. I really enjoy your blog. I love the play/school room you created!

Cheers!
-Jenny

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